My land

Take me to the land with no borders, to the land tht welcomes you at any time, to the land that you feel great by its greatness instead of tiny, to the land that takes you high, high enough to see the shooting stars and make unlimited wishes, a land where i would jst love to lie in its folds and let it hug me while watching the beautiful sky, a land that showed me that the air that i was breathing wasnt air and the life i was living wasnt a complete life, a land that taught me to appericiate everything, take me to that land so i can ride on the most wildest horse and see where it will take me, take me to my land

Contagious smiles

i bet you have experienced a moment or time when you find yourself happy not for reasons that concern you, but concern others, where you find yourself smiling jst by looking at their smile,its really great and wonderful and rare, for to see that radiant smile on your parent sibling or friends face that has reached a very high level where it has become contagious, where you can see the tears in their eyes wanting to come out and feel the joy and lightness they feel, its jst great, i love tht scene especially on people i know and care about, im experiencing indirect happiness these days, cuz a great and awesom friend of mine is happy, well im happy too, but she let me reach that level of happiness that i wouldnt normally reach in such situations, and i would jst like to tell her im happy for your happiness and i hope it lasts forever and always (insha Allah deema ya Rab)

Sayings of mine

-it doesn’t matter how deep you cut, for the thought itself hurts that was a poor translation(mish b al zabt) of an Arabic version: لا يختلف الجرح مهما كان الكبر.....فالجرح سيظل اسمه جرح
i think i said this when i was in a3dady

-Wisdom doesn’t come from the extension of life, but from the closeness of its ending That was another poor translation of my Arabic version:
لا تاتي الحكمة من طول العمر ......بل من قرب انتهاءه
i think this was when i was in high school.

-The dreams I dream are way much better than what they show on T.V.
(That’s to promote siestas hehehe well its true I mean at least sometimes I get to see the ones I want to see instead of light and make up and I see everything from pain to sadness to happiness….etc )
i said this one last year

-Even the moon has a dark side
i said this, this year,

its funny to see how your brain grows or hehehe sometimes shrinks! anyway as usual no alterations have been done and there are some more but these are the ones that i remember, say the most and actually mean something to me.

My tree house

"Hey friend what are you doing here?”
“Get down from my tree house its too dangerous for you to be here”, my friend looks at me and says” well you’re here too”, I reply to my friend trying my best to convince her,” I built this tree house and spent what has passed from my life in it knowing all of its flaws and booby traps”,

And then I got so curious to know what’s wrong with her, for her to be here,you see you dont know my tree house its such an ugly place ontop of this high tree with a lot of its steps missing,and its very deserted that even birds will refuse to nest in it, and its a place where the only thing you get from the sky, is its burning sun, the only thing you get from the earth is its gravity followed by a hard fall,

So I finally get the courage to ask, “what’s with the black outfit and dull attitude?! “And my friend replies with a wry smile and says “I’ve always thought of black as my color it looks good on me right?”
I told her “why r you carrying all of this baggage around with you?” and she turns around and says “what baggage?!” Thinking that I must have lost my mind, I asked “why are your words coming out of your head and not heart and how come I see the reflection of oceans though we’re in the middle of a desert?! “
she tries to change the subject and talks about little stuff, you should of seen her, she looked like a giant hiding behind a tiny tree, anyway I couldn’t help but interrupt and say “do you take me for an insensitive fool??!!, Do you actually think that I would be in a middle of a storm and not feel, see or hear the rain, or even see the lightening or hear the thunder?! Or that i wont be able to feel the wind storming at my face and pushing me away?! Did you think that I wouldn’t realize the absence of the sun or miss its warmth?!

What do you take me for?
Blind? Well if so I can hear,
Deaf? If so then I can feel,
Insensitive? Well… I guess…, I guess I am an insensitive fool then at least in your eyes, i.e. equal to any other human being walking on this planet, and not worthy of the word friend.

Anyway please go now and never come back, its almost dark and you wont know your way back home, go down , my hopes were on you to get me out of here or call for some help,
So go and leave all your baggage here where they’re suppose to be, and get down, trees aren’t for human anyway, and don’t worry I’ll follow you one day and we’ll meet on solid ground by Gods will”

ما نبيك و ما نصبر على فراقك i.e can't live with you, can't live without you!!

I bet you're wondering who I'm talking about, heheheh,,,
like every year a cat gave birth to some kittens in our garden.... and like every year she abbandens some of them... she usually leaves them when they are ready to live alone, but this year was different, this year she left two little kittens that are so totally clueless and smart at the same time, well anyway they are just always struggling to get into the house and they always follow us where ever we go and they jst stick like glue (yeah yeah call animal rights if you want to, but they're not what we call keepers, and dont be judgemental the good part is yet to come) anyway at first we felt sorry for them cuz they cry like babies, we gave them food and kept doing that, and then we suffered from how to get out of the house without them touching us, eventually we just got used to them, so whenever we opened the main door they would get out to the street and we would wait for them to get back in as if they were house resisdents, and one day my brother was taking some stuff out and he kept the door open for some time, and they got out as usual, but the problem is they never came back, and we were worried sick, and felt kinda of guilty especially my brother cuz like it was sort of his fault, anyway even dad started asking about them and kept asking me if I asked our next door neighbour about them, which I eventually did, and yes it turned out to be at our neighbours house, and heheheh they bothered them too, I mean you can't imagine how annoying they are but we still want them back, and we will claim for them tomorrow insha Allah.
You see some things can be annoying but loved at the same time

Ah........

That was a good "ah" not a screaming ah
yesterday we went to our monthly visit to our grandparents house and it was just ah........
well my grandparents (Allah yer7amhum) own a farm and since it is almost winter, the ground has turned green..
it was very relaxing, leave the view aside, the weather was again just ah.....
it was perfect, I felt soo relaxed and I needed it really,
on Thursday when we got there we found the rest of the family there and we sat down and just chatted and had a warm dinner, I slept early, woke up early, and slept again, and then at noon we went out to the farm and picked some oranges and lemons it was really a Kodak moment,
and the best thing about my grandparents house is that there are no creepy crawlers around especially in winter, amazing really, well I guess everyone has his/her own place that they feel comfortable in and that was mine.

Top 3 babies

heheheh
Last Thursday I went to a wedding, and in that wedding I saw the most cutest things in that place, and they were three lille angels :) :) :)
and they were all just beautiful but I'll lay them out to you b tarteebaty
in third place was this baby boy who was about two years old and he wanted to escape from his mothers hand soo badly but she had a tight grip on him that he couldn't even move an inch and both of them seemed like they were used to each other, both of them knew what was going to happen, but the brave kid still tried anyway...
in second place came this angelic girl wearing a little brides dress that fitted her perfectly, and what caught my eyes was that she came in with her mother but not in her arms like the rest of the babies or running around, no... she was exactly behind her mother lifting the tail of her mothers dress and making sure it was straight and that it didn't get dirty, which was just adorable
and in first place,this little girl stole my attention she was just sooooooooooooooooooo cute the thing about her was that she had little bunny or hamster teeth heheheheh
and not only that, but she was eating in a cartoon way as well and she was the cutest thing I've seen those days -until recently-
and don't even think about feeling sorry for the girl cuz she's cute that's one, and cuz if her teeth were funny she'll grow and they'll fall and others will come through, heheh God bless the three of them wa ye7fudhum

True art

Oh you can never imagine how much I love this dancing,
its just wonderful
I love it so much that I would kill to see it live
I love it so much that I get actual goose bumps and shivers while watching it and hearing its music.........
you know I never thought that I could see a man wearing heels, an outfit, and jumping around and still call him a man, but when you see these guys and girls perform, they're as the first video said "tall and straight", you feel the pride and strength,
you know, when you see all of them dancing with a straight face, a straight stand and their heads high, as if there saying im proud to be irish or something,
and the way they dance like perfect machinery, all of the moves are exactly at the same time, making this beautiful sound, as if they were practicing their whole life
its just amazing I just hope you enjoyed them

One of my greatest fears

Do you know what scares me most in life?,
its lightning and thunder
they're -as far as I've seen- the most scariest thing in nature
I mean first of all they never come separately,
I mean if you didn't hear it you'll most probably see it and vice verse,
and second of all they are so big and we are sooo tiny, there is nowhere to run !!
I always picture it as electricity "which is another fear of mine" that is surrounding the earth and the only way to get away from it is by flying, but on second thought even birds don't survive....ah why do I care I cant fly either way !!!,
and its usually accompanied by rain which makes my imagination go even worse, cuz like imagine water and electricity, always a bad combination ^_^ ,
and I'm scared of the zigzag ones more than the ones that just brightens up the night, cuz like to me the later is just a gun, but the zigzag one is like a laser-gun, easier to aim hehehe,
and as an advice if I'm ever in a plane or in the sea never tell me that there is lightning outside !, you might as well tell me that we're about to be turned into fried sardines, just let me continue lying to myself that the lights and sounds I see and hear are just far away fireworks :).
Rabbi ye7meekum insha Allah from everything

Forever love

I've always cried on your shoulder
and I always will as I get older and older
you've always been my warm bed
when the rest of the beds were colder
and for you I will always carry love and respect
as I would to any caring and brave soldier

if you're still wondering...im talking about you my dear mother

Childhood memories

heheheheh,
today a very good friend of mine was talking with me about 'dont hold your breath', and conversation led to an info that all of us human beings have a certain number of breaths until we die...
and that itself reminded me how when I was young, very young like in first grade or something like that (maybe even older :p) , I used to watch mammy's breathing and think that if I exhale or inhale with her at the same time we will live and die together, which is very childish, heheheh
while growing up, I knew that my beliefs were unfortunately wrong and stopped doing that, but I still have the same desire, that I'll never grow out of, and that's wanting to spend my life with the most loved ones and the most closest anyone will ever be to my heart.
(I love you mom and dad to the extreme)

Don't hold your breath

You know what happiness is to me
happiness is like breathing for me, I mean with every breath I take I get more happy, and as you and I know, I breath at all times wa Al7amdo li Allah,
but as I said its like breathing, as we all know, we can hold our breath for a min. or two, ( in my case I have a very short breath so I cant stay that long),
again as I said its only for a min. or two , so thank God that we can only hold our breaths for a small period of time and that there is no such thing as permanent sadness...

for all of our sorrows are written in our memories with cheap ink that can easily be washed away by a single tear
and at the same time easily be replaced by a simple inspiration
keep breathing.........

The girl with rainbows in her eyes

Everyday I see a girl that stares at me...at first it was fun, but now i just want her to leave, for i can no longer handle her grief...
she stares at me so silently, with all these rainbows in her eyes,
she lives her life by following her lies; that maybe the colors she sees are from happiness... while in real life her life is a total mess..
though its very clear how she feels, but i guess she'll continue to lie until her lies become for real,
i wonder why she'll only look at me through framed windows,
and how she can see right into me and read my thoughts!,
i tried helping her thousands of times but every time i reach for her face to wipe the tears from her eyes, all i feel is cold glass and all that is left is a smudge on her face,
help the poor thing for i have nothing to do to her!
i guess maybe when she gets older her tears will eventually flow, and she'll find the pot of gold at the end of her rainbow...

Sometimes

sometimes i feel like everything nice in life is falling apart, for
sometimes my days are so cloudy that you cant tell day from night, and with that i lose the pleasure of seeing a beautiful sunrise or sunset sight

Sometimes I feel like all the smiles I see are just purposeless lies, and the ones that aren't, aren't sent for me

Sometimes I feel like everything I do or say is taken the wrong way, but then I remember that with good intentions all will be clear one day

Sometimes I feel like my sometimes are turning into all-times, but then I quickly get myself out of it, coz I know its not right
for my sometimes is a coward that only comes when I'm alone, and most-times I'm surrounded by my beloved family and friends, who keep me safe and scare it away

(I hope everyone and I are always surrounded by our loved ones, ameen ya Rab)

Dusty papers

The other day I was sorting out some papers, and I was surprised to find a paper that i forget even exists, it was from a few years ago either in the summer after 3 a3dady (ninth grade) or the summer after that I don't remember, anyway I thought I would share it with you so you can have a glimpse on how my brain used to function when I was younger,
anyway its in arabic and here it goes :p :

سخرية القدر

بدات احس باني كقلم بهت علي الزمن فلم يستطع قراءته احد و باتو يستبدلونني بحبر
انتظر مجيء عالم الاثار لكي ياتي و ينقدني، فيهتم بي و يحميني من الغبار و يحاول المحافظة علي
اين انت يا عالم الاثار؟
فلم اجد رصاص يسايرني
فبدات اقلام الحبر تهددني، فحياتي كلها مهددة اما بالمحي او البهتان
فلا اريد ان ُانسى
و لا اريد ان اُتجاهل، اريد ان استمر و لو جزء مني
فات الي يا عالمي و احمي عالمي
احمها فانت قلم الرصاص الذي سيدكنني
و انت بطاقتي الوحيدة للخلود، ليس الخلود الواقعي بل الخلود الفكري
حيث ستظل تتفكرني و تفكر غيرك بي، و تعلمهم و تقول لهم انها كانت هناك

So..... that's it I didn't alter it obviously hehehe, The irony (al su5rya fi al amer) is that I wrote that with a pencil, and now I rewrote it with an everlasting writing heheheh, its fun to go back to them old days..... sigh

Something to make you think

Do you know how it is in life that people sometimes agree or disagree in their point of you, well sometimes we agree to stuff but not for the same reasons, and these stuff can be really simple and unimportant I mean life doesn't depend on it and well... thank God (Rabbi starha) if it was important,
like the other day I was thinking about colors, who on earth said we can see the same thing! , we all say we do, but do we really!?
I mean I look at the grass and say its green and you look at it and say its green but how are we certain that we both see the same color!
Imagine if from the day you were born you were told that the color you see on grass is green and the color of traffic light is green, and what you'll be seeing really is a color equivalent to orange in my color dictionary, but we both call it green even though we don't see the same thing! are you getting my drift ?
we say we see the same things but how can you be sure that you're seeing the same stuff that I am, I mean we're just agreeing cuz we think we're the same though in real life everyone has a prospective of his own...
I guess we will never truly know now hu!, I just hope I got a good version and combination hehehe.
SO next time you see someone that's always in a bad mood, don't blame him its just that his blue is our Grey, and each day his sky is gloomy....

No like's ' being alone'

u know what us human beings are really funny in some ways,
last Friday we went to b7ar Sabrata it was cool and all, and I did what I know best in life which is float flat on my back - mom would kill for this confession hehehe - and you know the scary thing about floating on your back, is that sometimes actually most of the time you get so into it that you forget the surroundings, I mean to lay on your back and see a sky full of stars and a semi-full moon, I swear I mean I'm not really in the star moon stuff but it was mind taking, so as I was saying you get so into it that when you wake up you find that the waves have pushed you far from the ones you've came with, and that really scares me, I mean imagine waking up and finding yourself in a deep zone all by yourself not knowing how to swim or even if you did know how to swim u will deal with not knowing where to go......, and a cousin of mine had the same fear so what we decided to do is hold hands while laying on our backs that way we will stay together, and the funny part is that no one was against waking up in the dark area as long as they had companionship, which I guess is the human nature. We always need someone to hold our hand and be with us, comfort us if something goes wrong. So think for a min. are you with human nature or against it.

No one like's to be alone

You know what us human beings can be really funny in some ways,
last Friday we went to b7ar Sabrata it was cool and all, and I did what I know best in life which is float flat on my back - mom would kill for this confession hehehe - and you know the scary thing about floating on your back, is that sometimes actually most of the time you get so into it that you forget the surroundings, I mean to lay on your back and see a sky full of stars and a semi full moon, I swear I mean I'm not really in the star moon stuff but it was mind taking, so as I was saying you get so into it that when you wake up you find that the waves have pushed you far away from the ones you came with, and that really scares me, I mean imagine waking up and finding yourself in a deep zone all by yourself not knowing how to swim or even if you did,, you will deal with not knowing where to swim to......, so a cousin of mine had the same fear so what we decided to do is hold hands while laying on our backs that way we will stay together, and the funny part is that no one was against waking up in the dark area as long as we had companionship, which i guess is the human nature. We always need someone to hold our hand and be with us, comfort us if something goes wrong. So think for a min. are you with human nature or against it.

How I started 2007

I'd like to write about the last day of 2006 which was pretty normal, I went to my grandparents house in Sabrata and had fun as usual nothing fancy, but the nicest thing that happened was that a few minutes before midnight I played cards with my cousin, and I was losing very bad and I thought 'what a nice way to end this year' until after midnight sub7an Allah I won on the edge (3l 7afa) hehe and u know what they say u'll continue the year just the way u started it, in my case a winner!! hehehe